Ein Vierteljahrhundert Daniel

“Space and time are two key parameters in our construction as cultural and social beings”[1] as stated by Juan Carlos Meana in an Approach to the Understanding of Pictorial Space. One’s Portrait can be understood as a representation of a collection of parts accumulated over time and in space making up an identity. In the more specific case of a self-portrait one can draw upon their memory to recollect individual past events, feelings, struggles, and string them together to form a representative portrait. As Milan Kundera said: „That is why life is always a sketch. No sketch is not quite the right word, because a sketch is an outline of something, the groundwork for a picture, whereas the sketch that is our life is a sketch of nothing, an outline with no picture.”. This is a work in progress. The autobiographical nature of self-portraits presents a challenge in incorporating time and space into paintings which ultimately lead to a series of six poetic paintings spanning a lifetime and lifespace.

…….. fountain ……. Kindergarten ….. hallway football …… Valentin ….. Banana and oranges …. Summer red insects on stones ….. grey carpets …. wooden house and red sand …. Long winter …. Meter of Snow , swollen foot ; ….. first school day , birthday , homework , scared of piano and swimming …..
Mathias, Lucas, Jessica, chocolate-cutting, Garden Games, Ethics, Computer Games, cards, Bad at Sports, the negative does not exist, 5-7=?, Music? , Denmark, ….. , Frau Peukert, … School change? , Moritz, Georg, Skaten, Handball, No more swimming, What does my father do? …… and onwards to Highschool English? How do I learn it? So many pupils, more cards….. A lot of Handball, Volleyball, less piano. Again how to learn English? Easy, go to England. England was my starting Point. I started to diverge. My clock didn’t show Lauf-time anymore. Again England and then HMM. Am I Special??? Imposter? Better English, Starcraft 2, Game after Game, Tourneys, Strategy, School Championship, France, Sailing with Moritz, Monster Hunter, Elvish, Hendrick, Tim, Felix, Konstantin, Oehme. My first drink, always there but not really. More Starcraft. A new cross roads appears, USA? Italy? France? I don’t know. Let’s go to Taiwan because I am special. It’s done. Kassel and then Taiwan. 你好，我是夏天。
台灣, Design and Advertisement, new, 3000 students looking, a million hands touching me. Who am I? Just a spectacle? Will I learn? Do I have friends or just visitors? Learning Chinese is ok, but being Taiwanese? Photo after photo. Drawing sketching, video. Meeting people, but really? I hide in the applause. I hide in the spotlight. I am lonely. I search and I find the piano. I walk I fotograph. I return to Germany with a million stories I don’t understand. My German is fucked up. More Volleyball, Rotex, Drinking, Laura, Cosi, Julius, Derschi, Rotary. School School School School.
I finish school. It was ok, I won’t remember. Two days later I have found my Uni. It’s Munich. Do I want it? I don’t know but I go. New Home, new Chinese friends? Cinnamon and jam. Food? First night, I am sick. I dance but I hate it. Why? Why? Why? Why?
I find a temporary home in economics. Instagram. Photos, Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel, PR, Meetings, I flee into the Gram. Stories, Posts, captions, hashtags, VWL 1, TUM-BWL, TUinvest, Tillmann, Zalmu, Markus, Finance, Big Money, Tinder, Techno, OMG Techno, First Night first Smiley, 12h of drug infused Techno-Rave. Chris, Frederick, MMA, We diverge again. Travel to Spain, Paris, Berlin, Influencer, Agencies, Influencers. Jan in Berlin, more Drugs, I am feeling good.
Dance Dance Dance Dance Dance
And then Azaria. One might also call her Claire. One Picture and three letters later we sit at my window. What a Night. My first kiss. I know but I don’t remember. Love. I jump, I scream. It’s my first time. Asexuality? What is that. I don’t know yet. Rave, drugs, and Azaria. One quick flash and it’s over. Sometimes I study, sometimes I photograph, I am always fleeing. No time to call my parents. I tinder. I fly to Milano, I fall in a dark hole. Sex? How does that work? It’s horrible. After Love came my downfall. I couldn’t walk, Marc and Marc were there for me. We talk. I visit Vienna, and then again and again. Suddenly I am in Berlin with Sandra and Johanna. Romantic Comedy. My first good kiss. Sex? Not really but we are getting there. Love? No but the best time so far. More Art, more Marc, more Vienna. Then France. One year just French. Letters, letters, sadness. First projects in Vienna. I love it. Marc, Tino, Chuck, Blitz, Rote Sonne, Marc, Sarah, Lisa, Blitz, Blitz, Chris. Study? No, never. More drugs. Discotheque Royal. For a brief time Eileen but that didn’t work. I dream, I dream, I fight, I fight, Bachelor, more Vienna, no money, no friends, only Vienna, … one last time in Paris, and then the End …. meet the captain. … saved me on a ship that he lost as well, … in prison, then the garden, then the … , where am I. I don’t know……
I can draw but I don’t show it because I am cool and I have seen Cy Twombly once.

[1] Meana, J. C. (2016). An Approach to the Understanding of Pictorial Space: A Methodological Proposal Based on Three Case Studies. Creative Education, 7, 1891-1898. http://dx.doi.org/10.4236/ce.2016.714191