Options

Viola Silvi – Self Portrait

Acrylics, pencil, chalk-pastels on paper

78 x 60

Fit.

In order to function, one’s pieces need not only to fit, but to fit right.

These are my two pieces, my two options.

If I don’t stock them right, if I use too much of the same piece consuming it or if I don’t combine them well with each other, I collapse. My own game collapses and I lose.

I find myself often having the Tetris soundtrack playing in loop in my head. I think that’s ironic, as if I was constantly playing this game of pieces, my personal pieces.

The two options are my two sides:

My “feminine side” and my “masculine side”.

But, of course, they must share the same body and I, as the keeper of this flesh, need them to be at peace with each other. Otherwise, again, I lose.

Unfortunately, I’m not the only player here.

There are other pieces, outside of me, influencing my daily choice.

My pieces are subjected to contamination from censorship, social standards, stereotypes, which may hide my pieces from my vision. Black boxes over my gender expression.

My masculine side receives the judgement, he stands behind my feminine side, as she collects the tears from both. Tears of insecurity and fear coming from what’s both opposite and equal, related like a bra and a chest scar are.

But, I need to remember, they’re both mine and when everything is against them, I need to support them. I need to help them shine by highlighting them with all the gold I own.